god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize