you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize