Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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