I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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