but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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