I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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