I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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