Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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