I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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