My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize