Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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