I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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