Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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