He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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