I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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