I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize