Someone shit on the floor
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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