so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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