Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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