I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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