I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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