dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
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I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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