God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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