Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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