I met the friendliest cop last night
i barfeds in our rink
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize