no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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