I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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