I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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