i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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