There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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