Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize