Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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