i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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