i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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