He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
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I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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