i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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