i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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