Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
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she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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