two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize