Four minutes until I can fart!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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