when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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