I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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