You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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