Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize