keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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