New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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