he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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