Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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