I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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