Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It was confusing and full of hummus
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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